First Day Of School

This is kind of old, after all, I'm halfway through my first semester at U of A. But, I came across what I wrote down in a notebook, so I thought I would go ahead and post it, which is what I had intended in the first place.

Well, today is day one of U of A. A very big place for this little woman. I printed out my schedule a few weeks ago but it only had course numbers, not names. Got to my first class just fine. Not early enough to get a good seat since I had to walk literally a mile to get to it. Life Span Development. It went well. When it was over, I had 10 minutes to rush to my second class.

My schedule I had printed out told me AGRI 0115 as the building and room number. I got in there and quickly found I didn't belong. With no discreet way to exit, I held on till the bitter end. Thankfully, he only wen over the syllabus then dismissed. Had he lectured I would have been bored to death. They would have found my corpse after class, rigamortis set in already. COD: Domestic and International Agriculture Policy. I checked and rechecked my slip of paper and I had the room right, but the course was wrong.

When I got out of there, I texted Mike, who never replied, then called the church. Thinking my tears from fears were over, I surprised myself when I started crying all over again on the phone with the church secretary. She commiserated with me, told me I was brave and encouraged me. When I found an empty computer (not an easy feat even in a place this size) I looked at my schedule again. What is now on my schedule for that class is totally different than it was just at the beginning of the month when I printed it out. Thank GOD I'm not enrolled in Professor Wailes' Domestic and International Agriculture Policy class (who's prereqs are micro & macroeconomics, neither of which I've had, nor do I ever wish to)

I am enrolled in Adult Development. Instead of saying AGRI 0115 it says AFLS 0107E. Where ever that is. I'll have to look it up on my giant map. What happened here? I would like to know. Some weird computer glitch? A change in plans as to the whereabouts of two totally different classes? I don't know, but I do know I missed my first class of Adult Development.

So, Ive just been wondering around, wasting time until my 2:30 class. I looked through the Union, sort of. It was so crowded with people, kids, walking around knowing exactly where they were going or looking as if they did. I was sauntering, trying to get my bearings and trying to figure out and remember where everything was.

As I walked out, I saw a large (you'd think this place was Texas by the size of everything here) banner on a building. I had no idea what the building even was until I read that banner. "Welcome to the Library" it said. Ahhh- the library. One of seven on this campus. I know libraries, they ease and comfort me, which was what I sorely needed. So, I walked in. This is no library. Sure, they have all the components a library should have, periodicals, research computers, all that good stuff, but where was the peace I usually feel upon entering a library? There's no comfort here. Only cavernous rooms called "Reading Rooms" (quiet please!) and mysterious curved stair cases that takes you who knows where. Where is the intimate feeling of having rows of books surround you? Where's the smell of old and new paper with uncountable pages of ink? I wish that I had a map, not only of this expansive campus, but of each and every building. this library most of all. Where are the bathrooms? Stuff like that.

Instead I'm just roaming around hoping I don't stumble into somewhere I'm not suppose to be. Like I did this morning. No wonder my name wasn't on his list. I really hope that by the time my next class is over at 3:20, I will find this campus a little less crowded. I need the computer lab to print some things out.

I know that this is where I am suppose to be, this is where God led me to go. But He has certainly gotten me out of my comfort zone for this one. Stepping out in faith to go to this school where I know no one. I came down today with no money, bald tires, and half a tank of gas. Ive got a bottle of water and a peanut butter sandwich in my purse. Tuition hasn't been paid and I'm not even sure I know how it's going to be paid. But God told me to go, so I went. The rest is up to Him. "God didn't tell me to waste these dreams".

I keep looking around oping that I see someone else, any one else, that has the same bewildered, overwhelmed look on their face as I'm sure that I have on mine.

People are in here in the Reading Room of the library with their lap tops, their ipods, studying their books or writing furiously in notebooks after reading something in a text book. I didn't even have the money to buy my text books yet.

I knew this would be different from NEO. If all my classes are as interesting as the Life Span development I will be fine and dandy. If I have any classes like the one I shouldn't have gone to, I will be in too deep.

I never knew I was such a creature of habit and familiarity. I'm looking forward to this place becoming habitual and familiar. By then it will be time to move on to career. More uncharted, unfamiliar territory for me. I never knew this stuff about me until I started school. Mike just doesn't get it. His anxieties run a different direction as mine and he has a hard time seeing things through my eyes. He tells me to buck up, or get over it. When all I need to hear from him is it's okay. I support you. You have me behind you every step of the way. I know he feels that way, but he doesn't say it and I need those words. I just now got a text from him that was encouraging. Hang in there. Don't give up so easy. I will hang in there. I won't give up easily at all. I wont give up at all. I will fight this until I am a graduate of U of A. By then, I may have reconsidered the Masters program, but I doubt it.

This is a good school. Having a degree from here will mean a lot to me. More than a degree from NSU where I know lots of people. Or MSSU where I'm familiar with the campus. But a degree from U of A will mean that it's something I did and earned on my own with the help of God. He will get full credit for it. I give Him full credit for getting this far.

Even sitting here writing this down long hand, I've had to dash away tears. I feel so weak when I start crying. I will remind myself that it is when I am weak, He is strong. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I don't doubt His ability to do anything. What's a few thousand dollars a semester (5 of them to be exact) to God? He takes care of me. He's so good to me even when I'm not so good to Him. He remembers me and blesses me in spite of myself. Of all the prayers going up in the world right now, He hears mine and I feel like He stops just to listen to me, just like a father does his child. Right now I feel just like what Brother Leon use to sing "Jesus love me more than anybody else".

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And that was it. What do you think? Was I full of anxiety or what? lol Just for the record, yes, they had changed classrooms two days before the first day of class and had sent me an email telling me about this. I hadn't checked my email, so I went to the wrong class. Since then, we've changed rooms again, back to the original building it was in, but in a different room. Third floor instead of basement. My first class of the morning also got moved to a whole different building also, which was to my advantage, a little closer and not out on the far edge of campus. I've learned how to take the bus now so I don't have to walk a mile up hill to get to class. Then a mile downhill to get to my car. I take the Green bus. How appropriate. Destiny, I guess.
I'm still driving on the same bald tires, God only knows how, but I am. I pray every day and plead the blood of Jesus over my body, so I guess that doesn't hurt. lol. Tuition is still not paid in full. I paid 1/3 of it with my Mom's credit card and gave her $700 to cover the $1600 I charged. I applied for a student loan but haven't heard anything on it yet. If I get denied, I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do.
My life span class is still very interesting. Sometimes a little boring cuz I already know all this stuff and it seems so common sense to me. But, the kids I'm in there with don't have the same life experiences that I do, so it's all new to them. We watched a video of a baby being born and when that head crowned, you could hear a collective gasp throughout the room. Very amusing. My adult development class has turned into my hard class of the semester. There always seems to be that one class every semester that consumes your thoughts and your time. Well, this is it. I will be glad to be done with her class. I've heard she is one of the hardest profs at the University. But, it's a class I have to have to graduate, so I might as well get it over with now.

Well, that's about it for now. I hope you all are doing wonderful.