2011

Let's see if I can put this year in perspective on December 28.

January....started the semester out by waking up with the flu on the second day of class. Ended the month with a huge snow storm.

February...more snow. And more snow. And even MORE snow! Shael spent most of the her time at her dad's house and I was going stir crazy all by myself.

March...spring break! Yay!!! When I returned to school and listened to all the young classmates talk of their amazing adventures in Cancun and Florida (etc) I was embarrassed to admit all I did for spring break was work a full 40 hours. But, I was excited about the pay check.

April...I went to two trainings this month. One in Minneapolis and the following week, one in Scottsdale, AZ. There was still snow on the ground in Minneapolis and I went swimming in the outdoor pool in Scottsdale. Shael got to go with me to Minneapolis and we visited the Mall of America. It was so stinkin cool! We had a great time. But sadness struck, and my in laws kept my father in law on life support until I returned from Arizona so I could be there to say my goodbyes. That was the worst experience ever. Mike was there with his old lady and I had nobody to comfort me. The funeral proved to be even worse and I ended up on the back row while his girlfriend got to sit on the front with the family. Shael's feeling were devastated over that and she sat on the back with me. I ended up having to go outside and cry the most bitter tears I have ever cried in my life.

May...This month brought the worst tornado to ever hit Joplin. I lost my cousin Donald Wayne, and even now, 7 months later, it doesn't seem real to me. I don't want to talk anymore about that. May also brought the funeral for the mother of one of my childhood friends. I don't like this burying the parents of my friends. Makes life seem too mortal.

June...We were finally able to bury my cousin, Don, after what seemed like a long time. My sister and I went to go see Michael Buble in Springfield on what would have been my 18th wedding anniversary. I got a little drunk at dinner before the concert and it made the whole evening not quite so depressing!

July...My cousin who died in the tornado, his dad died in July. Was a sad, sad deal for my remaining cousin. My heart still aches for him. Shael turned 17! Wow, I can just barely believe that. I think she was about 11 or 12 when this blog first started. Mike's old lady broke it off with him after over 2 years together.

August...Greencorn! And the start of my final semester at the University of Arkansas after what seemed like forever! Mike came to Greencorn, which was something way out of the ordinary, and I turned 38 years old. I went on vacation with my parents, Aunt Edie, and my cousins Travis, Lori and Brandon. We went to North Myrle Beach, SC and had a fantastic time. I got to scratch off two things from my Bucket List. 1. Eating seafood in Charleston SC and 2. Walking a portion of the Appalachian Trail. Being the two youngest, Brandon and I went out on our own one night and I learned a very important lesson: never accept shots from strangers. I was throwing up like crazy starting around 5:00 a.m.

September...Mike was starting to give me lots of attention and I was eating it up like candy. I knew it was coming but it didn't make it any less painful when he said "I tried. I don't love you. I've found somebody else." This started a downward spiral that bottomed out around the end of October and took until around Thanksgiving to finally recover from. Shael and I got into a monster of a fight and she moved out of my house and moved in with her dad full time.

October...Still plugging away at school. I wasn't home much this month because of school. And the fact that Shael wasn't there meant I wasn't in any hurry to come home. I also got to enjoy a fall break where I worked and got more hours on my pay check, that was nice. I stopped smoking at the end of the month.

November...Shael finally spoke with me enough to go to Orlando, FL with me, like we'd had planned for 6 months. We drove and it took such a long time to get there. While there, we visited Universal Studios for two days. Then it was time for me to get to the business I was there for and Shael hung out in the hotel for those days. I was there for the NAEYC national conference. That's National Association of Educators of Young Children to all you non Child Development or non CCDF people out there. It was a great honor to get to attend such a conference. Soon as we got home, Shael went straight back to her dad's and I didn't see or hear from her until about Thanksgiving. By then, I was feeling better and more myself. I enjoyed my Thanksgiving Break immensely. I stopped drinking pop at the end of the month.

December...While Shael is still with her dad, she talks to me a little more often now. Things may never return to the way they were before, but I can't fix the past, just live with it and try to move on. Graduated, wrecked my car, got a rental and am now enjoying the life of a full time employee for the Seneca-Cayuga Tribe once again. I haven't heard anything from the insurance about my car yet, but I am anxiously awaiting word. Mike and I are back on speaking terms and I got everything I wanted for Christmas, save the one thing I wanted more than anything in this world, my husband back. But, I am ever hopeful. I am ever persistent. And I am more relentless now than I ever was. Years ago, Mike said to me "If I ever had to describe you in one word, it would be relentless. You never give up on something or an idea once you decide on it." He had no idea how prophetic that was. Now it's him I'm relentless about.

Relentless: Not lessening in severity, intensity, strength or pace. My love for Mike is relentless. My desire to be with him is relentless. My belief that some day we will be together again is relentless.

Happy New Year Everybody!!!