hey

Wow, it's been almost three months. Depression is not a pretty sight folks. I'm sorry. The latest update on my life. Well, lets see. Depressed, depressed, and more depressed. But today I'm feeling a little better. Yesterday I got up at 9:30 and today I woke up at 8:30 and actually got up at 8:45! I've been not waking up until 12:30 in the afternoon. It's amazing what you can get done in the mornings when you get up and not sleep through them.
June is here. That is hard to believe. I pretty much slept through May I guess. In April I had a fling with a fellow band geek from my Wyandotte days. It lasted for a few manic weeks until I crashed and I pretty much scared him half to death. Now that's over for good. No turning back. Oh, well.
Yes, the whole month of May I slept until time to get up for work, then went to work. I cried so many tears every night when I tried to go to sleep. I started cutting and discovered that I like it. It really helps, as stupid as that may sound. I try, I honestly do, to not do it. But when I hurt so much I can't bare another second of emotional pain, a nice cut that hurts physically distracts me from that other pain until I calm down enough to fall asleep.
So now June is here. I feel like I'm somewhat emerging from some kind of fog. I went to the doctor and made him change my meds. I am no longer on prozac but on welbutrin instead. The transition was difficult and I missed a couple days of work because of it. But, I think I'm almost completely adjusted now. I still have side effects like violent dreams and sometimes violent thoughts toward others. That has lessened over time, thank goodness! It's not fun to walk around pissed off all the time. Pissed off with a smile on your face, how can that be? But it was.
My parents finally know. And of course, they had the reaction I knew they would. My dad's was "willpower, Stacie. Just don't give in to it. You can do it." my mom's was "If you would give it all to God Stacie, he would take care of it". They both were very predictable and thought I didn't need to be on meds.
They remind me of the billboards and commercials I hear on the radio. "You would never hear ' It's just Cancer, get over it' depressionisreal.org" and "You would never say 'It's just Diabetes, get over it' depressionisreal.org" So, so true. I'm guessing neither of my parents have seen those billboards or heard those commercials.
So, that's an update on my life. I've been encouraged to try something new. So, I think I'm gonna give Twitter a shot. I've been complimented on my "randomocity" as being my best trait. So, maybe, maybe not. But, I'll give it a try anyway.
Adios!