Update
Okay, I guess I should leave a real update on my life. Since all bloggers are narcissistic. LOL.
I have a new friend who I spend lots of time on the phone with, hardly any time in person with. This is much to my regret, but, oh, well, sometimes you gotta take what you can get. He's been great to me and to Shael. He's a wonderful friend. He spends nearly as much time on the phone with Shael as he does me, they get along fabulously. He's younger than me, but I try not to let that bother me. It's because of him that I am able to look at life in a new way. He's been so good for me and for Shael. He's probably one of those friends who will be in and out of my life within months, but I will take what I can get, as I mentioned earlier.
I am working full time now just for the summer. I kind of like it, being away from my parents and all. Yes, I am still living with them. It has been a little over eight weeks now. Yikes! Can you believe that? I am on the waiting list for an apartment in Wyandotte. One of the things I hate most about living here is that my parents know my every coming and going. My dad is usually pretty cool, but my mom is like "Where were you last night? What time did you get home?" etc...yadda, yadda, yadda... I have actually (GASP!) lied to my mother about my whereabouts. It's simpler than the truth, and I don't have the balls to say "none of your business". Sometimes I've told her the truth simply because the truth sounds like a great lie. LOL, I'm terrible, aren't I? I mean, who stays at the Waffle House until 5:15 in the morning? I did! :)
Shael stays with her dad on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. I work on Tuesdays and Fridays, but not Thursdays. Why would I want to stay home at my parents house when I don't have to work, I don't have my child, and I do have guys asking me out? Mom and Daddy say I'm being selfish and not thinking of Shael. I'm sorry, but I've thought of Shael and not enough of myself the past 14 years. It's time to think of me for a change. I am not putting Shael in any kind of danger. I am not hurting her, I'm staying with her when she's with me, unless I have to work. My parents just want me to pine over Mike for the next couple of years, and I refuse to do that. I am moving on.
Yes, I do still love Mike. Very much. But what else can I do? He told me he doesn't love me or want me, so why should I pine over someone who clearly has moved on himself? My sister told me something the other night that was really good. You always hear "life's too short to live miserable" but she said "Life's too long to live miserable". Yes. I agree.
So, I am trying to live my life happy. Going out and making new friends makes me happy. Talking with my old friends that I gave up because of Mike makes me happy. Showing some cleavage makes me happy. Listening to my music loud makes me happy. Having green hair makes me happy. Being me makes me happy. I am slowly morphing back into Stacie Howard. Slowly leaving Stacie Wilkinson behind. I think I like me.
Shael and my mom have been selling candy bars like crazy. Having bake sales, too. They are trying to raise money to go to this church camp in Branson. It's around $360 a person and they both are going. They get to go to SDC, Whitewater, Celebration City and Dixie Stampede. They are going to have so much fun! But, Shael is already sick of the fund raising. LOL, you should hear her gripe to me. And all I can say is "It will all be over soon, don't worry. And it will all be worth it when you are at SDC or something." She wanted her bff Dalian to go with her, but she wasn't able to go, so now she's taking another friend, Naomi. They'll have lots of fun.
Shael is also going to her regular, annual church camp at Wyandotte in two weeks. She's looking forward to that, also. Her bff does get to go to that one.
I just washed a large load of jeans on small load. Great. Don't you hate it when you do that? I hope they are clean enough because I don't have time to rewash them. I have to start getting ready for work here pretty quick.
I actually enjoy my job still. People, on a whole, are pleasant. When you only see them for a brief instant out of their day. Some people are distracted and don't see you, others are observant and see too much of you. This group of guys came in yesterday and bought some power aid and then left. About an hour later they came back to get gas in their truck but only one of them came in. He paid for the gas, and then looked at me and said "Are you single?" I reluctantly said "yeees?" and he goes on to tell me that his friend, who's kind of shy, wanted to know if I would be interested in going out on "like a date, or something, sometime". He tells me who his friend is, I don't really know him, but I know his DAD. Was that the first clue? Anyway, I was having all these thought go through my head in a split second and I finally asked how old his friend was. TWENTY. I laughed and said "Honey, I'm 35!" The look on this guy's face was hysterical! He had been wearing his sunglasses and he pulled them down and looked at me real funny and said "Oh, um. Well, um. I guess nix the whole date idea." and he left! As it turned out another guy who was with them was also in the store getting some more power aid and when I said my age his head swung around and his eyes got huge! I didn't know they were together until after the second one paid and went out and got in the same truck as the the other two. They stood out there at the gas pumps long after the gas had been pumped and kept looking in the store. I know they were talking about me and I would have loved to know what was being said. It was flattering, yet very funny.
Who knew losing so much weight would take so many years off me? I get told so often now I look like I'm fresh out of my teens. I love that! The closest anybody has ever guessed has been 29. My good friend, Funny Guy, and his bff, Rose, tell me I look 19. I laugh at them and say "You guys are so full of shit, but I love you!"
Shael, however, hates it. She doesn't like being told that her mom looks more like her sister. I like it alright. Who wouldn't? ha! She doesn't like having a rocker mom. But, oh, well. She'll get used to it. She tells me that her Aunt Roni is cool but her mom isn't. Idk, my bff Rose thinks I'm cool. Isn't that all that matters? lol
Well, I gotta get ready for work. You know how it goes. Later!!!
posted by Stacie at
10:19 AM
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