Wow, re reading my last post makes me pretty sick of myself for today.  My summer was crappy and I gained back all the weight that I worked so hard to lose in the winter.  I had the chance to get rid of my periods for life, but it was going to take a little bit of sacrifice for a while.  First of all, I had to go on hormone replacement therapy for about 10 weeks.  Oh, boy, talk about hating one's self.  It was not fun.  In that process, I quit exercising, (it also got too hot for the running outside) and my diet just went all to hell. 

We made it to the Florida in August, but I never once got the opportunity to run on the beach.  It was the worst vacation ever.  Hurricane Isaac came by the edge of where we were, so the condo was closed.  We spent our entire vacation staying in hotels.  And we didn't get to spend any time on the beach.  I see other people's pictures of their trip to Destin and I'm jealous, because it looked nothing like that when we were there.  It looked like this.

I had my procedure (NovaSure and E Sure if you want to Google them and see what I had done to my lady bits) done the week before I left for vacation, which in hindsight, I should've NEVER done.  But, oh well, what's done is done.  I really thought that I would be back to myself within a few days to a week, but here I am 8 weeks later and still not back to my normal self.  I use that term "normal self" very loosely. I went back to the doctor last week and he told me I just need more time to feel better.  It could be up to 3 to 4 months before I feel better and up to 8 to 9 months before I am completely healed up.  He also said to wait for the 3 to 4 months before I start any rigorous work outs. So, around Christmas time I should be able to start working out again in earnest.  I am not pleased and I kind of wish I hadn't had this procedure done.  But, like I said, what's done is done.  I can only go forward from here and make the best of it.  Hopefully, some day all this pain and waiting will be worth it.

Shael graduated Wyandotte High School back in May.  Her dad and I were so proud of her!  And now she is going to school full time at NEO and working part time at Grand Lake Lodge in housekeeping.  I am more than proud of her.  She has a goal and she's working toward it.  She's got the world at her finger tips. She's also stunningly beautiful, but I'm a little biased.  She'd be stunningly beautiful even if I wasn't biased.

 

 

 

Yes! I finally got my car *and* I got my hair colored. Life is good. I'm really loving this no school thing. It is freaking AMAZING!

I have shed a few pounds over the last couple of months. I'm almost to 20 pounds gone, but not quite there. I'm hoping that I can be a little more disciplined in my eating habits, I know that would help. Everything in moderation. Define moderation.

There are a few things I chant to myself when I feel like I don't want to go on with this exercise regime I'm on and they always encourage me to keep going. They are

• Determination not motivation
• Fit by 40
• If it was easy, everyone would do it

It's not easy to get up at 4:45 in the morning to exercise. But when I go to the beach this August, I want to be able to go to the beach without being embarrassed. That's 5 months away, and I'm curious to see how I will look in 6 months if I keep at it like I am. Hopefully, I can shed 5 lbs a month. I'm down to a size 12 pants, and that was exciting and encouraging. Right now, I weigh 165 lbs, give or take a few. I think I would be happy to get rid of 3 lbs a month. Heck, 1 lb a month would be better than nothing. But, I want to be thinner than that come beach time in August. I'm really looking forward to running on the beach. Here goes everything!

Fit by 40...that gives me 17 months to get fit. I spent my 20's and half of my 30's fat. I don't want to spend the rest of my life that way. So, I WILL be physically fit by the time I'm 40 years old. I can totally do this. The last part of my life will be better than the middle part.

The Lord has been good to me!!!

Blog

www.runsforcookies.com

I think I may have found some inspiration that I needed.

Camaro, baby!

It is proving very difficult to find one of these hot babies in my area.

Here it is January of 2012 and I haven't done anything to my hair since last summer when I had it cut really super short and colored really super dark. The black washed out quite a bit, but never really faded all the way out. So, now I have brown roots with black hair. Thankfully, it's not too visible unless you are looking for it (I hope, anyway). I am looking for styles and colors because I'm sick of this boring stuff already. The style is ok, I have decided, but the color, something must be done about the color.

Here is a picture of me this morning with the same old brown.

And here is a picture of what I want it look like by the end of the month. I wouldn't mind being that skinny, either.

Almost A New Year!

I grew up watching Dick Clark on New Year's Eve, and trying to remember that New York is an hour ahead of me so if I wanted to watch that ball drop, I must tune in by 11:00. That old guy was a staple in our house from all the episodes of American Bandstand. My sister always made sure she woke up by the crack of noon on Saturday mornings so she could watch it.

So, here's to you, Dick Clark. You are something else, dude!

The Year in Pictures

January brought picking out prom dresses and lots of hugging.

February brought tons of snow!

In March there was Acquire the Fire with my niece Shania and Shael going to school with me and being silly with the Hog snouts.

April there was Mall of America, Scottsdale, AZ, prom, and the passing of Poppy Ivan.

May had a horrible tornado and my 20 year class reunion. Here's a picture of a flag that made it through the tornado and my friend, Jamie from school days.

In June I got to go see Michael Buble with my favorite sister, Roni.

July saw my baby girl turn 17 and finally got her belly button pierced. There was also record heat and a wedding shower for my niece, Emily.

In August, I went on vacation and Emily got married to her Jonny.

Then there was September. I struggled a lot in this month. The highest brightest spot was Homecoming, when Shael was nominated for Homecoming Queen. She didn't win Queen, but she was the most beautiful (and had the most beautiful car escort) of all the candidates.

October wasn't much better, but I made it. There was beautiful drives through the mountains south of Fayetteville between classes that helped me calm my battered nerves. And Shael let me take some photos of her for her Senior pictures.

There was some promise in November. Shael and I went to Orlando, FL and we had a really good time there. For my annual shopping trip, I went to Oklahoma City with Mom, Roni and Aunt Edie. We visited the bombing National Memorial and the Land Run Monument. On the 22nd, I attended the 6 month anniversary of the tornado at Cunningham Park in Joplin.

Which brings us up to now, December. I've already mentioned the highlights from this month and posted some pics. So, here's a few of my favorite people on Christmas.

With Sydney, Luke and Sarah looking like demons with silver eyes. Sage, too, maybe.

2011

Let's see if I can put this year in perspective on December 28.

January....started the semester out by waking up with the flu on the second day of class. Ended the month with a huge snow storm.

February...more snow. And more snow. And even MORE snow! Shael spent most of the her time at her dad's house and I was going stir crazy all by myself.

March...spring break! Yay!!! When I returned to school and listened to all the young classmates talk of their amazing adventures in Cancun and Florida (etc) I was embarrassed to admit all I did for spring break was work a full 40 hours. But, I was excited about the pay check.

April...I went to two trainings this month. One in Minneapolis and the following week, one in Scottsdale, AZ. There was still snow on the ground in Minneapolis and I went swimming in the outdoor pool in Scottsdale. Shael got to go with me to Minneapolis and we visited the Mall of America. It was so stinkin cool! We had a great time. But sadness struck, and my in laws kept my father in law on life support until I returned from Arizona so I could be there to say my goodbyes. That was the worst experience ever. Mike was there with his old lady and I had nobody to comfort me. The funeral proved to be even worse and I ended up on the back row while his girlfriend got to sit on the front with the family. Shael's feeling were devastated over that and she sat on the back with me. I ended up having to go outside and cry the most bitter tears I have ever cried in my life.

May...This month brought the worst tornado to ever hit Joplin. I lost my cousin Donald Wayne, and even now, 7 months later, it doesn't seem real to me. I don't want to talk anymore about that. May also brought the funeral for the mother of one of my childhood friends. I don't like this burying the parents of my friends. Makes life seem too mortal.

June...We were finally able to bury my cousin, Don, after what seemed like a long time. My sister and I went to go see Michael Buble in Springfield on what would have been my 18th wedding anniversary. I got a little drunk at dinner before the concert and it made the whole evening not quite so depressing!

July...My cousin who died in the tornado, his dad died in July. Was a sad, sad deal for my remaining cousin. My heart still aches for him. Shael turned 17! Wow, I can just barely believe that. I think she was about 11 or 12 when this blog first started. Mike's old lady broke it off with him after over 2 years together.

August...Greencorn! And the start of my final semester at the University of Arkansas after what seemed like forever! Mike came to Greencorn, which was something way out of the ordinary, and I turned 38 years old. I went on vacation with my parents, Aunt Edie, and my cousins Travis, Lori and Brandon. We went to North Myrle Beach, SC and had a fantastic time. I got to scratch off two things from my Bucket List. 1. Eating seafood in Charleston SC and 2. Walking a portion of the Appalachian Trail. Being the two youngest, Brandon and I went out on our own one night and I learned a very important lesson: never accept shots from strangers. I was throwing up like crazy starting around 5:00 a.m.

September...Mike was starting to give me lots of attention and I was eating it up like candy. I knew it was coming but it didn't make it any less painful when he said "I tried. I don't love you. I've found somebody else." This started a downward spiral that bottomed out around the end of October and took until around Thanksgiving to finally recover from. Shael and I got into a monster of a fight and she moved out of my house and moved in with her dad full time.

October...Still plugging away at school. I wasn't home much this month because of school. And the fact that Shael wasn't there meant I wasn't in any hurry to come home. I also got to enjoy a fall break where I worked and got more hours on my pay check, that was nice. I stopped smoking at the end of the month.

November...Shael finally spoke with me enough to go to Orlando, FL with me, like we'd had planned for 6 months. We drove and it took such a long time to get there. While there, we visited Universal Studios for two days. Then it was time for me to get to the business I was there for and Shael hung out in the hotel for those days. I was there for the NAEYC national conference. That's National Association of Educators of Young Children to all you non Child Development or non CCDF people out there. It was a great honor to get to attend such a conference. Soon as we got home, Shael went straight back to her dad's and I didn't see or hear from her until about Thanksgiving. By then, I was feeling better and more myself. I enjoyed my Thanksgiving Break immensely. I stopped drinking pop at the end of the month.

December...While Shael is still with her dad, she talks to me a little more often now. Things may never return to the way they were before, but I can't fix the past, just live with it and try to move on. Graduated, wrecked my car, got a rental and am now enjoying the life of a full time employee for the Seneca-Cayuga Tribe once again. I haven't heard anything from the insurance about my car yet, but I am anxiously awaiting word. Mike and I are back on speaking terms and I got everything I wanted for Christmas, save the one thing I wanted more than anything in this world, my husband back. But, I am ever hopeful. I am ever persistent. And I am more relentless now than I ever was. Years ago, Mike said to me "If I ever had to describe you in one word, it would be relentless. You never give up on something or an idea once you decide on it." He had no idea how prophetic that was. Now it's him I'm relentless about.

Relentless: Not lessening in severity, intensity, strength or pace. My love for Mike is relentless. My desire to be with him is relentless. My belief that some day we will be together again is relentless.

Happy New Year Everybody!!!

I got my graduation pics in the mail Saturday.

December 2011

What a great finale for my year. I graduated the University of Arkansas with a BS in Human Environmental Science on December 17. This semester was one of the hardest of my life, but I proved that it can be done, because I just did it. I took 22 hours of class time and worked as many hours as I could squeeze in. One of my classes, my practicum, which is now called Curriculum & Assessment, consumed 7 hours a week of my precious time, even though I only got 4 hours of credit for it. Those are the breaks. I'm just glad it is OVER!

But to top it all off, on my way to my own graduation ceremony, I was in a car accident and my car was undriveable. A guy came across the median and got in my path. I saw him about a blink of an eye before I hit him. Those are the breaks, as well, I suppose. But, I still made it to commencement. Bruised and scraped, but I made it.