Gobble Gobble

It's official. I've become a turkey hunting widow for a few days. Mike leaves today at 1:00 in the afternoon and won't be home until Sunday night. Three nights of sleeping alone in that king size bed. Shael will probably ask to sleep with me. And I'll probably say okay.
I stayed home from church last night to spend a little time with Mike before he left today. Usually when I do that, it back fires and I end up wishing I'd gone on to church. But last night was different. We actually spent time together, talking and laughing and hatching a practical joke for one of his co-workers that I've never even met.

When he got home and I saw that Shael wasn't with him, I was at first a little disappointed because I thought we might spend the evening together as a family unit. But, that disappointment quickly gave way to the thought of spending an entire evening alone with Mike. First we went in to Seneca to grab a bite to eat. He was heading for our usual haunt, the Dairy Cafe when we drove by Barney's Kitchen (the old TeePee). The smell made us turn around and go there instead. We had steaks! Real steaks. Cooked over a grill and served with a baked potato and a salad. When we walked in, every person in that room looked and stared at us. I looked up at Mike and said "We've been gone too long because now we're having to start all over again".

Let me explain. Seneca is a town with no secrets. If you have a secret you want to keep a secret, then you'd better keep it buried deep down and not even admit it to yourself. Every body knows everything about every body in that town. From January to August of 1993 I worked in Seneca. Mike worked at the same place from January to September. We got married in June of that year. We were quickly absorbed into the community and when we would walk into a store or a restaurant, people would look up then either wave or call out to us, then carry on with what ever it was that they were doing. An outsider could be spotted a mile away. Even though we were only there a short time, for several years, anytime we'd go into Seneca for anything people would remember us and ask us how we'd been. But, then we moved to the Grove area and hardly make it to Seneca much anymore, even though it still isn't that far. So, when we walked in to Barney's Kitchen last night, I could read it in every person's eyes: OUTSIDER. We were outsiders. Even though the waitress was friendly enough, and the hostess was, too, we were still outsiders. No one stopped to visit at our booth. No one stopped us out in the parking lot to gab or catch up. We walked in, we ate, we paid, we walked out. End of story. The food was delicious, though. Outsiders or not, we'll go back.

Now, on to the plotting part of my story. Dollar General is across the street from Barney's Kitchen, so before we went in to eat, we walked over and bought a little something for Mike's unsuspecting co-worker. Let me give you this guy's story in a nut shell. No wife, three kids, two of which live with him, one of which he pays child support on. Blows money like you wouldn't believe. Got a huge tax refund and blew it all within a week or two. Met a stripper at a titty bar, moved her into his house, loaned her a couple thou, then got sick of her and kicked her out. He said when she moved in she agreed to help keep the house clean and help pay for groceries and basic stuff like that. Well, she didn't stick to her part of the bargain, I guess because he said she wouldn't lift a finger around the house. I said it sounded like wife material to me! So, he kicks her out. A week later she calls him and guess what! She's pregnant. He knocked up the stripper! Now he's all bummed out. No wife, FOUR kids, two of which he'll be paying child support on and the other two will remain with him and now no money. Well, Mike's been riding him pretty hard about it the past couple days. Mike can be relentless when it comes to teasing. He was laughing about him again last night and I said "Hey, you ought to go buy some booties and hang them from him rear view window" Mike just laughed and laughed over that one and said "Good one, baby! I'll make a conniver out of you yet" So, we headed off to D.G. and while we were standing there deciding which booties to get, inspiration struck Mike and he wanted to get a thong to go along with the baby booties. Seeing as she was a stripper and all. So, he goes and picks one out (did ya'll know that D.G. carries an extensive selection of thongs?) then ends up making me pay for them. He tries to embarrass me at the check out and says loud enough for the cashier to hear "Can't wait to get you home, Baby" It didn't even phase the woman. She looked, and sounded as if she'd seen it all. Us buying booties and a thong was just another sale to her. When we got home, I tacked a white ribbon to the inside of both booties then hung them over the thong hanger. I even went as far as making a little bow out of ribbon and glued it to the hanger. Then I took it outside and hung it over Mike's rear view mirror so he wouldn't forget it this morning. It was dark when I hung it out there last night and it was dark when he took it down this morning, so none of the neighbors got the privilege of seeing it. Dang it.