Otis Redding

I've been loving you too long to stop now
There were times and you want to be free
My love is growing stronger, as you become a habit to me
Oh I've been loving you a little too long
I dont wanna stop now, oh
With you my life,
Has been so wonderful
I can't stop now
There were times and your love is growing cold
My love is growing stronger as our affair grows old
I've been loving you a little too long, long,
I don't want to stop now oh, oh, oh
I've been loving you a little bit too long
I don't wanna stop now
No, no, no
Don't make me stop now
No babyI'm down on my knees
Please, don't make me stop now
I love you, I love you,I love you with all of my heart
And I can't stop now
Don't make me stop now
Please, please don't make me stop now
Good god almighty
I love you I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you I love you in so many different ways...
I love you in so many different ways....

I LOVE THE LORD MY GOD!!!

Mike has come home. God performed a miracle!

Wake Up! Wake Up!
I know that you, you are busy living your own life
I can't make you, make you give me all of your time
But I just wish it could be like it was yesterday
I think it stinks that these stupid problems got in the way
Chorus: So let's go back now to the times that were fun
I'm so sick of the lies that someone else's mind has won
I don't care what they think, I don't care who all cares
I just don't want you to leave
So tell me what you are and I'll tell you you're so much more than
Anything you thought that you could be
(So tell me now, tell me anything)
So get your car, I'll meet you sometime tonight
I don't care what we do, we can get in a fight
I'm so tired of living in this small enclosed can
So let me out, we'll have some fun,
I'll let you let me make the plans
Why are we waiting on someone else to tell us
How it should be, I've already found it
And God didn't tell me to waste these dreams
I see you trying so hard to run the race to the finish line
But all this stuff keeps getting in the way

I Forgot

Yesterday while I was at work, my heart in it's constant pain, I took my little charges outside to the play ground. Poor little tykes, they are the worst of the lot. Why they pull every child with behavior problems all in the same class, I have no idea. But, anyway, my kids were not listening and were running amok through the whole building, so I took them outside to run off some of that energy. It worked, by the way. When we came in they all sat nicely for 20 minutes of class time then 30 minutes of art time, then about 15 minutes of sitting on the floor with me playing with this little McDonald's Happy Meal toy that I drug out to try something different. Since I am only their sub teacher, I didn't go over the whole lesson plan, I was there as a last minute replacement and the regular teacher didn't have her plans left out for me, so I improvised. After all that they sat nicely and ate their lunch then all 8 of them went to sleep for nap and slept the entire time. How awesome am I?
But, anyway, while we were outside, I couldn't contain myself and I broke out into worship. It seems it's all I want to do these days. Worship God, my Father. I was belting it out when the dog next door started howling. Oh, man! It didn't stop me, though. I kept right on worshiping, and eventually it started making me kind of laugh. I guess God doesn't want me to lose my sense of humor in all this.
Thanks God!

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

I got some very unsettling news last night. Unsettling is putting it so mildly. I don't know what else to call it. It's horrible. It's about some very close friends of mine and when I look at what they are going through it makes what I'm going through seem so much less traumatic.

God is good and His mercies endure forever.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things. Phil. 4:6-8

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the Earth. Colossians 3:2

Here i am before you now
I'm like a child reaching out
Here i am i'm giving all i can
Breaking my pride
I feel i'm through
Shattered inside i run to you
And now i give it all to you
Take my life
take my mind
take my soul
take my will
I am yours now, and i give it all to you
Laying all down before my king
Offering all my everything
Laying all down before the one i serve
I can understand the reasons why
You came on this earth and died
And now i give it all to you
I can feel you on my shoulder
So I know that you are there
I can see you paint my picture
The beauty is all there

Whatever It Takes

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

How To Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

My life is not where I want it to be right now. School and work proved to be too hard for me so I quit my job. Which totally pissed Mike off. I found out that I am making a 64.5% in my science class. Woo-Hoo, a C-. All I'm asking for is a C. I just now finished an entire Internet course. I came in this morning and started it and wasn't going to quit until I finished it. Now I don't have to worry about it or think about it any more until final day.
I also got enrolled today for next spring. It looks like I'm only going to have to take 12 hours next semester to graduate. I might actually be able to work next semester. I don't know, because I'll be going to school Monday-Friday. Here's my schedule: MWF 12:00- 12:50 Child Development, MWF 1:00-1:50 College Algebra TR 11:00-12:15 Intro to Sociology and R 6:00-9:00 Health & Safety of the Preschool Child(PM, YUCK) So, basically, Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays I'll be in school from noon to 2:00 and on Tuesdays and Thursdays 11:00 to noon, then on Thursday nights 6-9. I might be able to work a few afternoons a week. It looks like intro to soc and college algebra will be my two big homework classes. I'm sure I'll have a term paper for soc. But, 12 hours is so much less hectic than 17. Then I'll be graduating in May. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
*
But on to the worst part of my sad little story. The reason I am so utterly miserable. Mike left me again. This time it looks worse than ever. Worse than last summer. I no longer pray for him on a daily basis. Nor an hourly basis. It's a continuous thing for me now. Mike is never out of my thoughts. Even while I was doing all this work on this Internet class, Mike was still on my mind.
God is so good! He has been overly (is that a word?) good to me this past week and I am so full of God that I can't help that it spills out. This makes Mike mad. I will never stop, though.
Let me share two scriptures with you that I have been clinging to. Actually, I have been clinging to just about the entire book of Psalms, but I'll only share these two with you. I have inserted myself and Mike into these two scriptures.

"Mike, you sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, bound in affliction and irons- because you rebelled against the words of God, and despised the counsel of the Most High, Therefore, He brought down your heart with labor; You fell down and there was none to help. Then you cried out to the Lord in your trouble and He saved you out of your distresses. He brought you out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke your chains in pieces." Psalm 107:10-14

Thus says the Lord: "Refrain your voice from weeping, Stacie, and your eyes from tears; for your work shall be rewarded, says the Lord, and Mike shall come back from the land of the enemy. There is a hope in your future." Says the Lord. Jeremiah 31:16

I've been listening to this CD that my pastor gave me to lift me up. Actually, I've only been listening to song #3 which is about the Prodigals. Mike is a prodigal and he will come home! Anyway, in this song, I heard the word "decree" and I wondered what the difference was between "decree" and "declare", so I got out my handy dandy dictionary and looked them both up. To declare means to make clearly known; announce openly, formally; to show or reveal, to say emphatically. But to decree means an official order or decision; something that is or seems to be foreordained; to order. So, I have been decreeing this prayer to God, my Father. I stand up and take my place as a son of God and decree:

Anyone who would interfere with the plan of God on Mike's life will be removed.

I pray this every time it crosses my mind, which is about a thousand times a day.
*
So, there's my life. You now know why I haven't been posting much. I spend my days praying and reading my Bible. It has come alive to me. I'm praying that God's will be done. And I honestly don't believe that it's God's will that Mike and I divorce. So, unless you can come with me in agreement that God's will be done and that our marriage will be healed, then don't call me, don't email me, don't write me, and don't talk about me.