Funniest Pap Smear Story Ever

As I mentioned, I had to go to the Dr last week. While I was there, she did a pap. Not any woman's favorite activities, I assure you. But, I had a great doc who was nice and funny and young. And spoke ENGLISH! As a first language! Not the same crotchety old India Indian woman I've had in the past whose English is so broken I don't understand a word she says, or how she keeps her job. She's been there about 30 years, too! That's insane! She has the worst bedside manner, and every woman complains about her.

But, anyway, gosh, I keep chasing these rabbit trails and never catch a thing! This woman I went to this day was so easy going that it made me a little more relaxed about having a giant metal object shoved up my hoo-haw while she poked and prodded, snipped and sawed. As if I could relax too much, but at least I could joke around with her while she had her fingers where no woman's fingers should ever go.

I put my feet in the sockless stirrups. What was up with that? I mentioned it and told her she needed socks on those silly things for pete's sake. I scooted my butt down to the very edge of the table where it felt like I was going to fall off. I had the paper "blanket" covering me so I couldn't see anything but a blank sheet. Ok, deep breath, here we go. "We're going in!" is what I always expect them to say.

Instead of that, though, I hear "Yeah, I know, isn't it pretty?"

"Ummm...." is all I could say!

"THE TATTOO!" she quickly recovered.

We all just laughed nervously after that. It was pretty funny, but I was afraid if I laughed my usual guffaw, that metal thing shoved up my hoo-haw my go a-flyin' through the room. Ha!

She told me that as soon as the words came out of her mouth she realized what it sounded like but she couldn't un-say them.

Only me.