Stephanie Smith - Not Afraid
From the album Not Afraid
I’m not afraid
I’m not afraid
Sorry it's over
I think it's the best thing for now
I'm takin' the memories
Don't wanna leave them all behind...
(Chorus)
Some are good, some are bad
Some are in between
But I gotta do what's right for me
So I'm not afraid to walk away
Let me go for the last time

Finally got it straight for the first time
Not afraid cause I know He's there to meet me
So I'll be gone, I'll be gone,
But not alone, alone, alone

I hate how it happened
But it just wasn't supposed to be
Let's not talk about it
(Cause always) lookin' back
Won't help a thing
So leave the good, leave the bad,
And the in between
I'm gonna do what's right for me

(Chorus)

It may not be easy
Cause at its best, life is still hard
But He is with me,
And I am not alone
So, I'm not afraid...

I Believe

BarlowGirl - I Believe In Love
From the album How Can We Be Silent
I Believe In Love

How long will my prayers seem unanswered
Is there still faith in me to reach the end
I'm feeling doubt
I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and the silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

.Chorus
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
Its only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days

So I'll stand in the pain and the silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

Chorus

No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this Life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I AM UNBREAKABLE

Fireflight - Unbreakable
From the album Unbreakable

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can’t face me in the light
They’ll return but I’ll be stronger

Chorus:
God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never beenI
want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Chorus:

Forget the fear it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope you all get to spend it with your sweeties.

I am getting a new advisor. Mine is pretty much worthless. She's not done a whole lot to help me. So, I'm chucking her and getting someone who will help me. I talked to an instructor yesterday about it and she said it would be no problem, that any of them could help me. What I need is, help with my transfer. I'm trying to do this on my own and I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm printing out my transfer application right now and it's taking forever. I'm getting more and more nervous about moving on away from the little, comfortable, easy to manuver NEO. I can barely see myself at a big time University! The University of Arkansas! It's huge! Oh, Lord, give me peace and confidence. I know I can do it. It's just that the time is creeping up faster and faster and now it's only 6 months away. Yikes! I look at my niece, who went from Vinita High School straight to OSU with nary a problem or a butterfly in her stomach. Well, maybe she had some butterflies. But she oozed confidence in front of me and all the rest of the family. And here I am, 34 years old, and scared of the big University.
So, pray for me! It's only for a little while. It's not forever.

I'd better get on to my Sociology class. My application isn't done printing yet, and my class should be starting in a few minutes. Hmm...should I wait or should I go. I think I'll wait. I can go sign in and come back in a minute to check on it.

Laters!
p.s. sorry for all the spelling mistakes lately. But, the spell check hasn't been working for me. Stupid thing! And after I was all use to it and everything.

I Hate Snow & Ice

I'm so sick of this yucky weather. If I wanted to live in snow and ice, I'd move north!

My job blows. It bites. But, I will stick it out. I have been crying, bawling, actually, to God asking him to reveal to me ways to show my love for Mike in ways that Mike will accept and interpret as love and not stalking. Working is one of them. And if I have to work the 2:30-11:30 shift on every weekend for the next 3 years to show my love for him, I will do it gladly. I love him and one of these days he's going to realize it.

Every weekend when I'm at work, I look at this stupid poster for Copenhagen that I think it utterly ridiculous. It's of this big, buff construction worker, high up on the side of this sky scraper. Do we really want people who are above our heads to be chewing Copenhagen? Not me! Maybe it's those silly city folk who like it. It's dumb. Who thinks up these ads, anyway? And why didn't someone else think about it before they put it in print and distributed it around the States? Because I've seen that very same ad in a c-store in Silome Springs, Arkansas.

It's snowing, again. I've got to make a quick trip to the evil empire before I go home. I hope that the snow holds off until, well, I hope it never snows again!
ta!

Carpe Diem

Life working on the weekends is getting easier. Last week it took me until Wednesday to feel rested up. This time I felt pretty good by Monday afternoon. That's good.
I was finally able to go solo Saturday night. It was so much better! Being able to do things my way and not have to be irritated by the other person's way. I can be so anal about so many stupid things. For one, my drawer was straight all night long and at the end of the night when I had to count it, all the bills were already facing the same direction and I didn't waste 10 minutes getting them that way. That was WONDERFUL! My drawer started out off Saturday because of the girl who had it before me left it like $15 long. So, at the end of the night when I closed, my drawer was $17 long. That bugged the crap out of me. The cop closing with me told me it was probably just a minor mistake in my adding with the adding machine and not to worry about it. And the safe was short by a quarter! That one I couldn't figure out. Except the fact that I didn't count the safe personally before I started my shift, the assistant manager did and she told me it was good. And I believed her. Humph. Then on Sunday night, my drawer was long again. But this time by a penny. Much better. And the safe was dead on right. Much, much better. See, when there's only one person messing with the money, things stay less messy. When there's two or three people messing with it all in one night, things get messed up and I don't like that.
The girl who works the shift right before me now is the same one who trained me and she really irritates me. She's okay, I guess, but she doesn't do what she's suppose to do. She doesn't follow the rules! Gasp! She wears her coat when you aren't suppose to wear anything but short sleeves. She wastes so much deli food, and I think she does it on purpose because she takes the left overs home to her dogs. When she goes home, she takes at least 8 items off the hot dog roller home to her dogs. Saturday night I took home nothing, I only had one little eggroll left that I was going to bring home to Corbin when this poor mouthing Mexican came in 10 minutes before closing wanting something off the roller. He really wanted an eggroll and I told him I was out. He said in his broken English "You're sure you don't have something for me?" So, I told him about the eggroll I'd taken off an hour ago that he could have for free if he wanted it. He took it and ate it! I was laughing when he came back in with his friend to buy a drink. He told me his friend didn't believe that I gave it to him and had accused him of taking it out of the trash. I laughed again and told him, no, I'd given it to him and that I was going to throw it away but hadn't yet. Then I said "Actually I was going to take it home and give it to my dog" and those two Mexicans got the biggest kick out of that. They walked out the door still laughing over it. We get a lot of Mexicans in the evenings and they are the nicest people. Even if they can't speak much English. They know how to say "Marlbro lights 100 in a box" real well.
Okay, I've got a gripe to pitch to you guys. On my first day of work, I wore a long sleeve sweater and a hat and I was told I couldn't wear them again. I had to wear short sleeves or push my long sleeves up over my elbows because I would be working with the money. The hat I couldn't wear simply because it looked "unprofessional". I could understand that. Until I started looking around. Yeah. Their uniforms are pitiful! They are black pants and navy polo style shirts, or t-shirts with the Eastern-Shawnee emblam on them. My manager wears these huge t-shirts that go down near her knees and warm up pants. That's all I've ever seen her wear. My assistant manager wears same huge t-shirts with sweats. I'm talking gray sweats, like Rocky wore jogging up those stairs! They are the epitome of tacky. Or, should I say "unprofessional"? I'm going to start wearing my hats. Fart on them. I look nicer than any of them do on any given day.
But, oh, well. I'm solo now, so I don't have to even think about the rest of the crew. It's like being my own boss. I like it. I like it a lot.

Mike and I went on a bike ride yesterday. It was so nice. It was about 75 degrees out on February 4th. How bizare, but nice just the same. Today it's raining cats and dogs and the temp is around 40. Glad we seized the day.

Which To Bury, Us Or The Hatchet

I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
The memories that you select
You keep the bad but the good ones you forget
And even though I'm angry
I can still say I know my heart will break the day
When you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happend
And all this time I never thought
That all we had would be all for not
No, I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Know I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just dont like you
Cause you took this to far
Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
Go with your instincts along with some bad advice
This didn't turn out the way
I thought it would at all
You blame me but some of this is still your fault
I tried to move you, but you wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
You said good-bye and I just don't want you regretting that
And wisdom always chooses
These black eyes and these bruises
Over the heartache that they say
Never completly goes away
(I just can't believe this happend
And one day we'll see this come around)
What happend to us
I heard that it's me we should blame
What happend to us
Why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
And know that I don't hate you
And know that I don't want to fight you
And know that I'll always love you
But right now I just dont...